Most human beings don’t like change. It is especially true for childhood trauma survivors. Going through trauma at a young age enlarges the amygdala, which is the brain’s smokescreen. It is the part of the brain that alerts us to danger, which is great when we are in danger but not great when we are constantly triggered and feeling unsafe.
The goal of recovery, at least for me, is post-traumatic growth. Two psychologists, Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun developed the theory of post-traumatic growth in the mid-1990s. What it means is that people who have experienced trauma can also experience positive growth. “People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have, and a better understanding of how to live life,” Tedeschi said.
As trauma survivors, change is frightening. Our amygdalas think even positive change is a threat. Change throws us into fight-flight-or-freeze and makes us feel like we are not healing. It couldn’t be further from the truth. We are healing. Our amygdalas just haven’t caught up to that reality yet.
Convincing ourselves that we are safe
Change is part of healing but how do we get our amygdalas on board? Start by recognizing that you are safe. Robyn E. Brickel, MA, LMFT lists three ways to convince yourself that you are safe:
Notice the external. I like to use my senses. I will notice the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around me. For example, if I am outside, I notice that the leaves on trees are green. If there are flowers, I smell one. I touch a leaf, and I take note of any sounds. Doing so reminds me that I am safe and that I am not experiencing trauma as I did as a child.
Anchor yourself. I like to use tapping, also known as emotional freedom technique, to ground myself. There are tapping meditations on The Tapping Solution app I like to do that help me feel safe.
Notice the internal. I do this by grabbing my journal and writing down any feelings, thoughts, or insights.
Rhonda Kelloway, LCSW, SEP suggests noticing the things in your external world that is still the same. One way to do this step is by reminding myself that I have the same body. For example, I look at my hands and remind myself that they are the same.
The faith to believe we are healing
My recovery from childhood trauma is grounded in my Christian faith. Abraham is a Bible character that stands out to me now. When we first read of him in Genesis 12, his name is Abram, which means “exalted father.” God speaks to Abram and tells him, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.” Several verses later, we read, “So Abram went, as the Lord had told him.” He went to the land of Canaan where God spoke to him again and said, “To your offspring, I will give this land.” He then built an altar to the Lord.
Later in Genesis 17:5, God tells Abram, “No longer shall your name be Abram, but your name shall be Abraham; for I have made you the ancestor of a multitude of nations.” Abraham means
“father of many.” His name change signaled an identity change. Just as Abram came to be called Abraham, we move from victim to survivor to one who thrives.
Hebrews 11:8-12 mentions Abraham. Four times in that passage, a sentence begins with “by faith.” Abraham accepted change, first a change of location and then a change of identity by faith. The first verse in Hebrews 11 tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” By faith, we believe that even when it doesn’t feel like it, we are healing as long as we stay in recovery.
We accept by faith that we must change to heal from childhood trauma. We believe that even when those changes cause us to feel unsafe, we will reach the desired goal of post-traumatic growth. We choose to be like Abraham and live by faith.