I am struggling. While the engulfing sadness I once felt is gone, thanks to tapping and medication (Celexa), I am still depressed. My depression is categorized now as moderately severe and not severe. The psychiatrist is in the process of adjusting my medication. Next week, I have an appointment, and she will increase my dose of Celexa to the maxim dose. If that is not enough, she will add another medication.
It’s frustrating. I believe the severity of my depression stems from the sexual abuse I endured as a young child. However, I am in a family full of mental illness. I am genetically predisposed to depression. Even if the abuse never happened, I would still struggle with depression. It just would not be as severe. That is a hard truth for me. It is one that I found hard to accept. I found myself thinking, “I am genetically screwed.”
Accepting my genetics freed me. Until then, I was adamantly opposed to trying medication. Last spring, I had to admit that tapping and meditation would not remove my depression. The antidepressant worked for the anxiety because its roots stem from the abuse. Depression is something that comes from my genetic makeup.
Pride played into my refusal to try medication again, as did weariness. The three different antidepressants I tried in the past didn’t work. Why try again? And I can overcome this by myself. Except that I can’t do it without help, and just because those medications didn’t work doesn’t mean there isn’t one out there that will.
I am grateful for what Celexa, meditation, and tapping have done for me. Living without sadness and anxiety is wonderful. However, it’s not enough. I want to overcome depression, so whatever can help is on the proverbial table. Depression is like tentacles wrapped around you. Recovery means unwrapping the tentacles. Depression is all I have known. I am determined to unknow it. I am unwrapping the tentacles.
My genes set me up for depression, but as Louie Giglio says in his book, Goliath Must Fall, “You are not stuck with the advanced path of your DNA origin.” I can rise above depression. My DNA origin is not my fate. By seeking treatment, I seek to become who God created me to be. I seek a life filled with joy and freedom from all that holds me back.
Getting help for depression
If you suffer from depression, then get help. That is my best advice for you. Don’t suffer alone. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and a therapist. Admit to trusted loved ones that you are depressed. Write about it in your journal. Acknowledging your struggles is the first step in overcoming them.
Know that you don’t have to struggle alone. There is help available. There is hope for recovery. We don’t have to suffer anymore. We can overcome.
Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay
Resources
Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio
Depression Information and Support
National Alliance for Mental Illness
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