The late Catholic monk and author Thomas Keating spoke of the “final surrender, which is to allow the false self to die and the true self to emerge.” In childhood, we develop behaviors and thought patterns that help us survive. Those behaviors and thought patterns kept us from falling apart while we suffered childhood trauma. It is hard enough for adults to survive trauma but even harder still for children. A friend once told me childhood trauma "breaks the brain.”
Those behaviors and thought patterns in adulthood do not work. They keep us trapped in the false self we developed in childhood for survival. They prevent us from being our true selves. We cannot live in truth if we operate out of our false selves. There comes a time when we start letting go of our false selves. It is a process, like everything else in recovery. It takes time. There is no fast food recovery from trauma.
Who is our true self? It is the spark of the divine planted within us at birth. Another Catholic monk and author, Richard Rohr, called our true self the “divine breath passing through you.” It is who God created us to be. Our true self is always with us, even when we live out of our false self. Our true selves become buried. We must make a choice to resurrect that part of ourselves.
“The soul is real only after we have walked through the death of our ever-fading false self and come out larger and brighter on the other side.” Richard Rohr
Releasing our false selves begins with surrender. The first three steps of the Twelve Steps (adapted from Emotions Anonymous) show the way:
Step One: We admitted we were powerless over our false self–that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.
Step One is a step of letting go of denial. What we used in childhood to cope does not work any longer. We embrace the truth that we are truly powerless over the false self we created. Step Two is a step of faith. We acknowledge that the One who created us can restore us. Step Three is surrender. We surrender our lives to our Creator.
We take the first three steps knowing that they lead us to the freedom of living out of our true selves. They are steps of liberation. We take them by reaching out to our Creator and to each other. We need help. Whether that help means attending a twelve-step meeting, therapy, medication, or all of the above, we seek help to live in truth. We can and will embrace truth.
How are you embracing your true self? What steps have you taken? Are you actively working on releasing your false self? Take those questions and write down the answers. And if you feel comfortable, drop the answers below.
Resources
Invitation to Love by Thomas Keating
Immortal Diamond by Richard Rohr
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As a matter of fact I go to a 12 step group so I'm familiar with the steps and you should know that step group saved my life