I tried an antidepressant years ago. While it helped somewhat with anxiety, it never touched the depression. I stayed on it for years and eventually got off the medication. I realized last year that I needed an antidepressant. I went as far as I could without one. I hit a stone wall of genetics. I come from a family with mental illnesses, including depression, on both sides of the family. We are also a family filled with inter-generational trauma, and trauma changes brain chemistry. It also changes the genes.
My medication journey
In the spring of 2022, I realized that I need help in the form of medication. I knew that the depression I live with wouldn’t go away completely without it. The problem is in my brain. I talked to my doctor and she prescribed Celexa, an antidepressant classified as a serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) prescribed for major depressive disorder (MDD). It works by boosting the brain’s serotonin levels.
Doctors also prescribe Celexa “off-label” for generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. Perhaps that is why I felt less anxiety after a few weeks of taking it. I began sleeping better and could even nap. Napping is something I couldn’t do even as a small child. In December 2022, I started seeing a nurse practitioner at a well-known psychiatric clinic in Fresno (House Clinic). I am now taking the maximum dose.
My anxiety is at a minimum. I still sleep better. However, the depression is the same. Last month, the nurse practitioner diagnosed me with dysthymia or persistent depressive disorder.
Symptoms of the condition, according to John Hopkins, include:
Lasting sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Less ability to concentrate, think, and/or make decisions
Less energy
Fatigue
Feeling hopeless
Weight and/or appetite changes due to over- or under-eating
Changes in sleep patterns, such as fitful sleep, inability to sleep, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
Low self-esteem
While researchers don’t know the exact cause of dysthymia, mental health professionals attribute it to chemical imbalances in the brain caused by psychological, biological, trauma, and genetic factors. I experienced trauma as a child, and my mother also has dysthymia. Perhaps the sexual abuse done to me as a child activated the gene for dysthymia.
I started taking another antidepressant called Wellbutrin, along with Celexa, three weeks ago. Wellbutrin is a norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI). Both norepinephrine and dopamine are neurochemicals, meaning they impact the nervous system, which impacts mood. An antidepressant such as Wellbutrin helps prevent the two neurochemicals from being reabsorbed into the body. Doctors prescribe Wellbutrin for depressive disorder and seasonal affective disorder (SAD). That’s good news for me as someone who suffers from sadness on dreary winter days when the sun isn’t out.
It takes four to six weeks to really experience the effects of Wellbutrin. It’s still too soon to tell if it will help with the depression. I may need another add-on medication. While I wait, I can continue practicing tapping, meditation, contemplative prayer, journaling, healthy eating, and exercise. Those practices help with depression and keep me from despair while I wait for medication to help.
Reach out for help
If you struggle with depression, whether it is dysthymia or major depressive disorder, don’t hesitate to seek help. There is no shame in taking medication. If you were diabetic, you would take insulin. You are not alone, and seeking help from a mental health professional might be your next step in recovery. I listed resources below that can help you make that decision.
If you need encouragement or have questions about my mental health journey that might help you on yours, please, reach out to me. Email me at thepossiblepath@gmail.com. You can also connect with me on Instagram at Possible Path.
Resources
Mental Health America’s Depression Test: Take the test and see if you might need help with depression.
National Alliance on Mental Illness: Use NAMI as a resource for education on mental illnesses, including depression.
American Psychiatric Association: Use the APA to find a mental health professional near you.
House Clinic: For anyone in the central San Joaquin Valley in California, this is one of the places to seek help.
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So proud of you precious girl. You are helping so many people by your loving, open heart on your healing journey. Love you <3