As fallen humans, we fear loving the Other (divine) and the other (our fellow humans). We are afraid of rejection. We strive to protect our egos at all costs. That is especially true for those of us who are childhood trauma survivors, particularly so for survivors of sexual abuse. When we look at “Prayer and Community,” the title of the seventh chapter in John Main’s book, we see that love and prayer go together.
What is prayer? That’s the age-old question. Main says that prayer is “in essence learning to pay attention to the Other; and then to regard the Other not in a self-interested or self-calculating way but simply for the Other’s sake, because in fact the Other is infinitely lovable.” When we pray, we pay attention to God and receive the great love God has for us. As we receive the great love of God, we receive a reservoir of love for others.
“Love for one another is a deepening of our intrinsic communication with God.” John Main
Fear keeps us separated from God and others. The good news of the gospel of Christ is that He came to break down the barriers that separate us from God. As John proclaimed in 1 John 4:18, “Perfect love casts out fear.” As we embrace God’s love for us, we let that love cast fear of the Divine out of us. I have heard it said that if things are right vertically (with God), then everything can become right horizontally (with others).
Letting down our walls of self-protection
It is a process for every human being who accepts God’s love for them. It is a healing process and one that we trauma survivors desperately need. We embraced self-protection as children to survive awful situations. We built walls around ourselves. Some walls morph into addictions as adults, whether that addiction is to chemical substances, food, or even to other’s people’s approval.
God is asking us to let go of our walls of self-protection. Perhaps the reason that the Church in the U.S. lacks groups for childhood trauma survivors is that most of us are living behind our walls. We still cling to our old ways of self-regulation, trying futilely to regulate our brains and bodies when we are triggered. As we let go, God will birth help for others.
“We will never see the love we really are, our foundation, if we keep living out of our false self of self-protection and overreaction.” Richard Rohr
There is an aspect of prayer that we often overlook, and maybe for some trauma survivors that is the hardest part. I am thinking of corporate prayer. It can seem daunting to pray with others if you have little experience doing so. Even if you have much experience doing so, it can sometimes be hard. It requires letting down your walls. “We are the redeemed of Jesus Christ bound together in love, our hearts beating with the life of the Lord Jesus,” Main declares. Isn’t it time we live out that reality?
Who is with me? Who is ready to let down your walls of self-protection? I don’t know exactly what that means for each of you but for me, it means letting go of my old ways of regulation. It means embracing new ways to regulate myself that are healthy and help my brain rewire itself. That is my New Year’s resolution for 2023.
“The glory of God is the human being fully alive.” Irenaeus
Are you ready to be a fully alive human?
Resources
Awakening by John Main
Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer by Richard Rohr
Once again you have blown me away. Keep up your writing you're wonderful
Thank you, dear Gina. You are helping more people than you can imagine. I agree that as our relationship with Jesus becomes deeper and stronger we are able to love Him, ourselves and others. God bless you abundantly, dear girl. Love you <3