Embracing My Vulnerability
“If we are going to recognize and accept what makes us human, including our imperfections and less-than-extraordinary lives, we must embrace our fears and vulnerabilities.” Brene Brown, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)
I feel particularly vulnerable right now. I have covid. I found out yesterday after taking a home test. Although I have it mild, I am feeling crappy. Two mornings in a row, I have not been able to do my routine of tapping, meditation, and contemplative prayer because I felt too sick. I know that my focus has to be on getting well.
The intense feelings of vulnerability stem from my childhood when I was a sickly kid with bouts of rheumatic fever, a heart murmur, and anemia. Whenever I am sick, it takes me back to that time. I was also a kid that was sexually abused. Being forced to spend time home from school and in bed caused anxiety. I read to escape that anxiety.
The trouble for the past few days is that I wasn’t well enough to read. Instead, I alternated between napping and watching television. While I am not experiencing anxiety, I am feeling vulnerable. It is uncomfortable. I choose to feel uncomfortable over ignoring and masking my vulnerability. My goal is to heal from childhood trauma and achieving that goal means sometimes feeling uncomfortable emotions.
What makes you feel vulnerable?
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay