This is a two-part series on becoming who God created us to be. I will publish part two next week.
“I promise you that the discovery of your true self will feel like a thousand pounds of weight have fallen from your back.” Richard Rohr
As I think about a picture of myself as a child, I realize that she represents me as I am–the real me, my true self–with her purity and sweetness. I carry her around with me but only a part of her for I stuffed the rest of her down because I was afraid to let her out in her fullness. I am no longer afraid. I can look at both her attributes and her pain.
I am saying hello to the real me, the one I stuffed down after a lifetime of carrying the pain and anguish my uncle caused. I greet her, embrace her, and marvel at her tenacity. She held on, never disappearing beneath the pain, beneath my false self. She has waited for me to be ready for her.
I am ready to be who God created me to be. I want to not only be my true self but help others be their true selves. Too many of us were broken as children. Together we can arise as the army of thrivers. We can teach the ones beginning their journey that walking through the pain they buried will kill them but make them stronger. We can share what has helped us.
I met the real me every time I tapped the past two years, every time I meditated the past year. She came to me in the stillness. She came when I was alone. I have realized that our true selves only start emerging in the quiet, stillness, and solitude. As Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.”
I am at the point where I want to know more about myself. All I assumed about myself has come through the lens of trauma. Now I can see my true self. I can see through the lies I believed about myself. “Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life,” says the author of Proverbs. In other words, be true to yourself. Be yourself. Don’t be your false self. Don’t live out of your false self with its trauma-laden lens.
Through this new lens, I can look at my mistakes and see why I have not even come close to realizing my full potential. I can forgive myself. I can confidently say, “But I will reach my full potential.” By doing so, I extend radical self-compassion and acceptance. Gone are the harsh accusations I leveled at myself that would play like a stuck record.
Part of knowing myself is looking at my core untruths. There are two lies that haunt me: 1. My uncle will come back from the dead and hurt me, 2. I will never recover from the damage he caused. By looking at those untruths, I can dismantle them. “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free,” Jesus said. (John 8:28)
Finding My True Self
Your writing just moves me