“Know thyself. Every heart vibrates to that iron string.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
The deepest source of my identity is as a child of God. I am not adding this here as a perfunctory, Christianese thing. I am sincere. I am God’s beloved child. However, this child of God is a mystery to me. Thankfully, I love a good mystery. I take delight in discovering who I am. My goal in recovery now is to get to know myself, what makes me tick, and what hinders me.
I found my voice tonight. I found it by finding her–my true self. “To thine own self be true,” Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet Act 1, Scene 3. How can you be true to yourself when you don’t know who you are? The answer is simple. You can’t.
This season of discovering myself is my turning time–a time of turning away from my false self and turning to my true self. It might sound easy, but it is not. It means turning from all I have known and embracing the unknown. And the unknown is scary to a child sexual abuse survivor. The good news is that I don’t do any of it alone. God is with me and within me. He guides me and comforts me.
With God as my guide, I turn away and embrace the unknown. I refuse to continue going through life fragmented. Let go and let God is a phrase I have long heard. It finally makes sense. I let go of the false self I constructed as a child to survive and let God show me who I am so I can thrive. I move from a survivor to a thriver. Sure, it will hurt but the reward is great. Perhaps that is how a woman feels in childbirth. Am I not giving birth to my true self?
To the real me, girl and woman alike, I say, “Fly. Be free. Be you. Be loud. Be quiet. Be proud. Be humble. But be you. Always be you. Don’t hide. Shine. Freedom is here, my dear.” I say that to you also, dear reader.
I am ready to be who God created me to be. I want to not only be my true self. I also want to help others be their true selves. Too many of us were broken as children but together we can arise as the army of thrivers. We can teach the ones beginning their journey that walking through the pain they buried will kill them but make them stronger. We can share what has helped us.
Are you ready to embrace your true self? Are you afraid? Feel the fear and do it anyway. Begin by writing a letter to your inner child, telling him or her that you love them and you will listen to them. Then prayerfully consider developing a mental health routine. I have included resources below about tapping, meditation, and prayer to help you get started.
Resources
Reflect: Christian Mindfulness app (Apple version and Android version)
Finding My True Self
I am so proud of you, dear Gina! Let go and let God is what I use often and it helps me so much when I let go and let God take over. This healing journey may not be easy but it is much harder to stay where we once were. On to victory day by day with Jesus. Love, hugs and prayers <3
One of my favorite lines face your fear and do it anyway