“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” Daphne Rose Kingma
I read an article this morning titled “Letting Go of Control.” Minutes later, I saw a quote about letting go on the Insight Timer app. Letting go, surrendering, and releasing control are my themes these days. I am actively working on letting go. I spent my life trying to control everything around me as a reaction to the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. But I am not in control of most things: the weather, other people, world events, and circumstances.
Realizing that I am not in control frees me from the grip of perfectionism. The elusive search for perfection is a trap, and it bleeds over into my relationships. When I strive for perfection, I demand perfection from myself and others. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect in this world. This world is full of flaws and fragilities. The sooner I accept that fact, the quicker I recover from the effects of childhood trauma.
The weather in California is weird this year. We are receiving record amounts of rain. The vineyards barely have any green on them, as the picture shows. Usually, they start budding by mid-February. The rain and the lack of green on the vines saddens me. I hate the lack of sun or greenery. However, I am not in control. All I can do is accept that this is a strange year and the vines will be green.
“When we finally come to realize that we are powerless, we usually back off and look for a new direction.” Emotions Anonymous
Maintaining the myth that I am in control keeps me in a cycle of despair. It causes sadness, frustration, and anger. It does not work. It is a failed way of living. If I want more recovery, then I must let go. As I wrote twice in this article, I am not in control. Acceptance of that truth gives me solace and hope. If I am not in control, then Someone else is in control. That Someone created me and loves me unconditionally.
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God,” states step three of the Twelve Steps. This starts as one big breakthrough decision but continues every day of our lives. It is a choice we make when we wake up each morning. We take this step knowing that the God we turn our lives over to is a good and loving God. This decision gives us peace. As childhood trauma survivors, particularly sexual abuse survivors, we have lacked peace. Surrendering our lives to God brings the peace that passes all understanding, as the Apostle Paul (St. Paul for my Catholic friends) says in Philippians 4:7.
If you struggle with a lack of peace, choose today to accept that you are not in control. Let go of that myth. Say out loud, “I am not in control today or any day.” Then surrender yourself to your Creator.
“Admitting our powerlessness frees us to allow the One who is Power to become active in our lives. We become more open to new ways of doing things as we allow God to love us and teach us how to give and receive love. We also begin to accept people and situations as they are. As we realize we aren’t in control, but God is in control, we are more able to detach from people and situations that are unhealthy for us and accept these the way they are.” Catherine Chapman
Starting this Sunday, I will post a weekly column called Sunday Praise where I take time for gratitude. Check it out!
Resources
Letting Go of Control by Catherine Chapman
Emotions Anonymous (big book)
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I love the saying "Let go, and let God". On this journey of life letting go and allowing God to take over brings wonderful freedom. Love you, dear Gina <3 Thank you for sharing your healing journey.
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Finally I've been waiting for you to express it you are not in control over that's one of the most important lessons I had to learn in my journey