When you go into the depths and death, sometimes even the depth of your sin, you come out the other side–and the word for that is resurrection.” Richard Rohr
Yesterday, someone at church said something that wounded me. I felt much hurt, sadness, and fear. What the person said to me triggered what was already inside me. What is inside will continue to be triggered until it is released. And it takes time to release the emotions we buried as children unable to cope with trauma.
I woke up this morning feeling much sadness and fear. It felt overwhelming. After doing a few rounds of tapping (emotional freedom technique), I sat still in silent prayer for 10 minutes. During that time, I decided that I would feel what I feel, without numbing or ignoring my emotions, and bring those feelings to God. I felt God’s presence and love in a powerful way. Those feelings were not all released through tapping and praying. It takes daily practice. Tomorrow, I will show up for myself and do it all over again.
Forgiving from the heart
“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:35
My morning Bible and devotional reading really touched my heart today. I am reading through the book of Matthew. The passage I read today was in Matthew 18:21-35. It is about the servant who asked his master to forgive a huge debt he owed him. The master forgave him, and the servant turned around and demanded someone who owed him a small sum pay him immediately. When he could not pay him, he had him put in prison. His master heard and had him thrown in jail.
The moral of the passage is that when we refuse to forgive someone, we put ourselves in a prison where we can’t receive God’s forgiveness. After I read that passage, I wrote the following in my journal:
It is no coincidence that I am reading this for yesterday someone was rude to me at church. I will not say who or what they said to me for I’m not keeping a record of wrongs. I choose to forgive that person. I will not hold it against them, yet I will keep some distance until I have more healing. It is not either/or. I have shed dualistic thinking…or I am shedding it.
Forgiveness does not mean that everything is suddenly right between you and the person who hurt you. It means letting go of the toxic emotions you feel towards them. You free yourself from the prison of grudges. A grudge means “a feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will.” Going through life with a grudge is like carrying a boulder on your back and never putting it down. No, thank you. I will lay my boulder down at the feet of Jesus.
Are you ready to lay your boulder down? Begin by declaring that you forgive the person who hurt you. Keep saying it every day until the feelings of resentment and anger are gone. I admit that some people are more difficult to forgive than others. However, just making the decision to forgive them and sticking to it is enough. One day you will wake up and realize that you have forgiven them. Your boulder will be off your back.
Image by Mikes-Photography from Pixabay
Resources
Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self by Richard Rohr: This book will help you in your healing journey.
When Heaven Invades Earth: A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles by Bill Johnson: This devotional book will build up your faith.
How I Am Healing My PTSD by Gina-Marie Cheeseman: An article I wrote last month.
The Tapping Solution App: Here is where you can begin a tapping practice.
Libby app: An app that allows you to borrow e-books from your local library.
Praise God for His presence in your life on this healing journey. May you know that you are loved much! Choosing to forgive brings freedom. Be abundantly blessed, dear Gina. <3