“Real lasting change comes from self-love and self-care.” Jessica Ortner
You can’t bully yourself into changing. It simply won’t work. It will further cement the coping mechanisms you developed in childhood. I know from experience. Until three years ago, I spent my adult life waking up to harsh thoughts about myself. I berated myself for any fault, problem, or difficulty. It never occurred to me to love myself.
Enter tapping, also known as emotional freedom technique. I discovered it during lockdown in 2020 while searching for a meditation app. My anxiety increased by gorilla-size proportions thanks to the covid pandemic. I stumbled upon The Tapping Solution app. The first time I tapped, my heart stopped racing. I knew I found a tool that would help me recover from childhood trauma.
Repeatedly saying, “I choose to love myself,” when I started tapping, took root. It became more than words. Within weeks of tapping daily, the negative thoughts that bombarded my mind after waking up ceased. After a year of tapping, I began feeling love for myself. I found I like my own company. I enjoyed my time of tapping and meditation because I discovered more about myself.
Self-love is necessary; we are hard on ourselves without it. A harsh mental environment will never allow us to heal. It is like planting tomato seeds on rocky ground. The seeds will not take root and grow. They need good soil. Kindness towards ourselves is the good soil we need while recovering from the effects of trauma.
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus (Mark 12:31)
We can love people without loving ourselves. I know that for most of my life, I treated others better than I treated myself. However, I had walls around me that made intimacy very difficult. My inner critic told me that if people knew the real me, then they would reject me. I plastered a smile on my face even when my heart lay in pieces. The pandemic happened, and the walls I built came crumbling down as I sought ways to stop the raging anxiety within.
Intimacy with people requires we show them our true selves, and that means dropping the mask we hide behind. In a seminary class, one of the other students did a presentation demonstrating how we hide behind masks by donning one. While I was not ready then to drop my mask, I never forgot his presentation. Years later, it came back to me when I first read Richard Rohr’s book, Immortal Diamond: The Search For Our True Self. I read the book weeks after I discovered tapping. The two came together when I was ready. As the saying goes, when a student is ready, the teacher appears.
I mention tapping much in this article, but it is not about tapping. It is about finding tools that help you love yourself. Tapping might be one of those tools. Meditation might also work. Find something that works for you and keep doing it daily. Do the hard work of recovery, and you will develop self-love.
Resources
Immortal Diamond: The Search For Our True Self by Richard Rohr
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If you need encouragement, email me at thepossiblepath@gmail.com.
Learning to love ourselves is vital in our healing journey. Thank you for sharing your healing journey. Love you and so proud of you. <3
I love the idea