I struggle at times with binge eating, and it is something that arises out of my childhood. Whenever I was upset, my grandmother would offer me something to eat. My grandparents lived next door and helped raise my sister and me. I saw them every day. My mind connected food with comfort, and I still struggle with that connection. Hence, one of my reasons for doing dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). I am learning skills to overcome bad habits rooted in childhood trauma.
“Taking care of the body helps take care of the mind,” my therapist told me in our last session. She taught me a neat little acronym to help me remember to take care of my body using the word please:
PL=Treat physical illness
E=balanced eating
A=avoid mind-altering substances
S=Get enough sleep
E=Get regular exercise
My homework for the week is to practice PLEASE skills every day. My takeaway from the therapy session is that I need to imprint this acronym into my brain. Last Saturday, I made a no-bake chocolate and peanut butter dessert to take to my sister’s house the next day. After church on Sunday, I came home ravenously hungry. It was 2:30 by the time I was home. I ate leftovers for lunch and then eyed the dessert, thinking, “I will just have a little piece.” I ended up eating a whole row of the damn dessert.
Being hungry made me vulnerable to binge eating, my therapist pointed out. She also told me I was operating in “reasonable mind” and not “wise mind.” In DBT, there are three states of mind: reasonable mind, emotion mind, and wise mind. I taught my friend’s adult Sunday school class. The class is an hour long. I woke up Sunday morning wondering if I had enough material. I became so caught up in preparing for the class that I stayed in reasonable mind. Wise mind is a balance between reasonable mind and emotion mind. Without that balance, I am more likely to binge eat.
It is now Saturday, three days since I began writing this post. When I become tempted to use food to comfort myself, I remind myself that doing so isn’t wise mind. Having tools helps me think before shoving desserts in my mouth. I start craving sugary foods when I am either upset or ravenous. I figure it goes back to my childhood when my grandmother would give me some delectable dessert she made whenever I was upset. I didn’t start using sugary foods as a comfort yesterday but as a child. I will work hard and use my newly formed skills to overcome emotional eating.
Since starting DBT a month ago, my healing journey has taken a turn. I am no longer searching desperately for tools to help me recover from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. Each therapy session, I am given more tools that help me deal with triggers. I am finding my way down the road I call the possible path, possible only to those brave enough to seek recovery.
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So proud of you dear Gina. Your healing journey is helping so many people. Love you <3
You are an inspiration.