Last week, I took a big step in my recovery from childhood trauma. I was honest with myself and with someone who could help me. A few weeks ago, my therapist suggested that I consider taking an antidepressant. I knew I had a doctor’s appointment coming up, so I decided that I would mention it to my doctor.
During the doctor’s appointment, the nurse asked me if I experience depression or anxiety. Usually, when I am asked this question during a doctor’s appointment, I lie. Yes, you read that correctly. I lie. Because antidepressants did not work in the past, I had an aversion to them. Last week, I told the truth. The emotional equivalent of boulders came off of me.
The doctor asked me questions, and based on my answers, she put me on Celexa. I went home and did my due diligence in researching it. What I found out is that while it is prescribed for depression, studies show that it helps with anxiety and PTSD, and in low doses, it helps with insomnia. The doctor prescribed me a low dose of Celexa.
I took Celexa for the first time on Friday night. I noticed within about 20 minutes of taking it, I became sleepy. I slept for six hours straight. On Saturday night, I was in bed by 11 pm (not common for me) and slept for seven hours straight. Being able to get to sleep earlier and sleeping soundly for six or seven hours is a big improvement for me.
However, I am still experiencing depression and anxiety. It has not touched either…yet. I have only taken the medication for three nights. It takes weeks to see an improvement. Taking an antidepressant is not a quick fix. That is not an easy concept for us to grasp given that we live in an impatient society that wants everything quickly. Recovery from childhood trauma is a process.
The virtue of patience
Patience is a virtue. It is a virtue I used to joke about and proclaim, “It’s not one of my virtues.” I am not saying that anymore. Patience is a virtue I am learning. In Galatians 5:22-23 in the New Testament, the fruits of the Spirit are listed and patience is included. In Psalm 40, in the Old Testament, David declared, “I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry.” Psalm 40:1.
Other Bible verses instruct us to be patient:
“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 8:25
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:7
Sometimes we are in situations where all we can do is be patient. Waiting for Celexa to kick in and help reduce depression and anxiety is such a situation for me. I choose patience as my guide as I wait. It is time for me to shed my fast-food mentality. I know that as I wait, I am growing stronger spiritually.
Here is a poem I wrote last month about patience, weeks before starting Celexa. Perhaps my spirit sensed I would enter a time of waiting.
Progress
Plodding along
slowly
like an earthworm
nothing fast
here
fast is for food,
not people.
Moving,
not speedily
but inch by inch,
speed is for runners.
Progress
is a process
recovery happens
as we move
along
at a walker’s
pace.
Are you in a time of waiting for something? What comforts you?
Image by Pawel Grzegorz from Pixabay
What comforts me is reading
Love the poem and yes patience is the key