Here is what I am grateful for today, this Sunday, my favorite day of the week. It’s a slower day when I am not concerned with producing but with being with my family of choice (church family) and family of origin.
Recovery
Today, I am most grateful for my recovery from childhood trauma. The tools I have in my mental health toolbox are ones that family members who are gone would have longed to possess. I am blessed to know about rewiring the brain and to be able to do so. I can practice tapping, and with every tap, reset my nervous system while training my brain to not be in constant fight or flight. I can meditate and calm my nervous system and sit with strong emotions.
I remind myself today that recovery is a gift we give ourselves by reaching out for help from someone or something. It is in reaching out that we let go of isolationism. As children, we went inward for survival. On this path, we extend outward for help.
Through recovery, I free myself of the after-effects of sexual abuse. It is slow, painstaking work, but it is worth every bit of work. It took years of trial and effort to figure out how to free myself from crippling anxiety. Through tapping, meditation, deep breathing, and an antidepressant, my anxiety is very minimal. I lived with that anxiety since I was a toddler. It was my constant companion. Now it is nearly gone.
I am still in recovery. I am still doing the work needed. I may not be where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be. That’s progress. I build on each triumph. I am not yet free of depression, but being free of anxiety means I have a stepping stone. I will get beyond depression. It will take more effort, and that is okay. I am learning patience as I put in the effort.
Healing from childhood trauma is a path, one that is possible for every survivor. (See what I did there?) Every day, I choose to step on the path and use my tools. Some days I am discouraged by my slow progress. On those days, I remind myself of what I have already overcome. I encourage myself the way I encourage others. Encouragement starts first with me and spills over onto others.
I whisper a prayer of thanks to my Creator for putting me on the path, and for leading me to my tools. I am blessed beyond measure.
I order you, O sleeper, to awake!
I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell.
Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead.
Rise up, work of my hands, you were created in my image.
Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in me and I am in you.
Together we form only one person and we cannot be separated!
From an ancient homily on Holy Saturday, Easter Eve
Application
Are you in recovery from trauma? Are you aware that the path is a lifelong one? If you are in recovery, where are you on the path? Answer those questions in your journal.
Resources
Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self by Richard Rohr
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