The Possible Path and My Childhood Trauma
My possible path
The possible path is a place where I can heal from the childhood trauma that caused so much damage to my brain, body, and life in general. I refuse to gloss over just how much damage being sexually abused at a young age caused. How can I when I have to use tapping, also known as emotional freedom technique, every morning and evening just to teach my brain and spirit that I am safe? The evidence that trauma affected me is evident.
I recently read that rituals and repetition are necessary for change. “Rituals free you to live your best life,” proclaims Nick Ortner in his book, The Tapping Solution for Manifesting Your Greatest Self. Self-control is listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. If there is one thing this pandemic has taught me it is that doing what helps my brain rewire and recover from the damage done to it in my childhood exercises self-control. If we are honest, we all could use more self-control in the fast-food, give-it-to-me-now society we live in.
Childhood trauma and my brain
I look at the words I wrote in my July 1, 2021 article for this newsletter and cringe at just how much they describe the damage done to my brain:
The aftereffects of childhood trauma are profound. According to a literature review of studies, childhood trauma “has detrimental consequences on the biological stress systems, and cognitive and brain development.” The extreme stress that trauma brings “can impair the development of the brain and nervous system,” as the National Child Traumatic Stress Network states.
A study released in 2021 by University of Alberta researchers shows that childhood trauma leads to changes in specific regions of the brain called the amygdala and the hippocampus. Researchers looked at 35 participants in the study with major depressive disorder. Researchers found that participants with major depressive disorder and a history of childhood trauma, “had significant negative associations” in the amygdala and hippocampus. Researchers concluded that the study provides evidence of a link between childhood trauma and changes in the brain of those with major depressive disorder.
I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. Despite what some well-meaning but uninformed Christians have told me, it is not a sin. It is not caused by a lack of faith in God. It is caused by damage done to my brain in childhood. And being brutally honest, my genetic makeup set me up for trauma to cause depression. People with mental illnesses of all sorts, including depression, fill my family tree, but I cling to what Louie Giglio wrote in his book, Goliath Must Fall: Winning the Battle Against Your Giants that “you are not stuck with the advanced path of your DNA origin.”
PTSD is my aftereffect of trauma
A therapist diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) when I was 23 years old. She merely told me what was wrong with my brain but offered nothing to help me heal it, something typical for the ‘90s. I had yet to discover tapping, meditating, deep breathing, or contemplative prayer which can bring lasting and positive changes. I didn’t discover tapping, which has helped me the most, until lockdown during the spring of 2020. However, I discovered right when I needed it the most when I was ready to practice it daily. And that is the essence of the possible path, the path where we undo the damage done to us in childhood.
Neuroplasticity means my brain can change
When I learned about neuroplasticity, the process of rewiring the brain, I walked around thinking the word, whispering it, and sometimes when I was alone, shouting it. The word embodied hope that I do not have to walk around with a brain that is damaged by trauma. I can overcome the effects of the abuse my uncle did to me. I can use the tools I have gained to rewire my brain.
Prayer for my fellow trauma survivors
Oh Lord, I surrender to You. I know that You are the One who created me and created my brain. I lift my brain to you and ask that You heal it of any damage caused by childhood trauma. I also ask that You empower me to do what I can do to rewire my brain.