The Power of Self-Compassion in Overcoming Trauma
Give yourself the nurturing you need to recover
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” Kristen Neff
Being harsh with yourself will not make you let go of your coping mechanisms. Take it from someone who tried it. My therapist pointed out a few months ago that I am harsh with myself. She had me spend a few minutes repeating silently, “May I feel God’s peace.” I told her I pray that for others, and she suggested I pray it for myself.
The psychologist Dr. Kristen Neff says that with self-compassion, “we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” There is something powerful about self-compassion. It strips away judgmentalism towards ourselves and leaves us with more self-tenderness. Researchers found that people who practice self-compassion are more motivated to improve themselves after a personal failure.
In the book Yoga For Emotional Trauma, Mary and Rick NurrieStearns identify four elements of compassion, which I am applying to self-compassion.
Awareness of suffering. This calls to mind the first step of the 12 steps in the Emotions Anonymous tradition: “We admitted we were powerless over our emotions, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Recognize the sacred nature of the one who is suffering. In the Christian tradition, we are all created in God’s image. Genesis 1:28 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Understand trauma. Unless we understand how trauma impacted us, we will be unable to recover from it.
Take action. The only way to relieve our suffering from the effects of trauma is to take steps to relieve it.
If you are new to self-compassion, start at the beginning. Admit that you are suffering and you need relief. Admitting the problem is key to solving it. You unleash humility and curiosity by doing so. You will need humility as you recover so you can let go of ego, and curiosity will keep you going when a certain therapy or practice doesn’t work for you.
Understanding the Significance of Self-Compassion For Trauma Healing
“Self-compassion is relational and self-compassion comes from outside of the wounded you, from the part of you who desires to do something to help you feel better.” Mary and Rick NurrieStearns
You will not recover from trauma without self-compassion, and that includes your inner child. The part of you that represents the wounded child you once were desperately needs some compassion. Your inner child has carried the wounds of the trauma you experienced so long ago. It is time for you to love and understand the child part within you.
The Manitoba Trauma and Information Center says that “trauma at its core affects a person’s capacity to be self-compassionate, and trauma recovery is about nurturing and growing that ability.” Determine to grow compassion for yourself. Make it a daily habit to catch yourself when you have judgmental thoughts about yourself.
Trauma recovery is hard work. The ability to continue doing that hard work comes from being compassionate with yourself. You will have many judgmental thoughts about yourself pop up in your mind if you are new to self-compassion. When they arise, let them go. Don’t cling to them and tell yourself, “I extend love to myself.”
Many of us, if not most of us, were not taught about self-compassion from our parents, nor did they model it. They couldn’t model what they didn’t know or experience, but we are not our parents. We can teach ourselves self-compassion simply by repeating mantras filled with compassion and love. The choice is yours. We can live in self-condemnation or self-compassion.
Cultivating Self-Compassion: Practical Tips and Techniques
“Healing involves learning to be compassionate with yourself.” Yoga For Emotional Trauma by Mary and Rick NurrieStearns
If you wonder how much self-compassion you possess, take the self-compassion scale test. My score was 3.22, which is moderate on the scale. If I had taken this test four years ago, my score would have been very low. Since lockdown in March 2020, I have practiced tapping, meditation, contemplative prayer, and deep breathing. All four practices have helped me be more compassionate with myself.
If you are low on self-compassion, there are things you can do to increase it. Here are four ideas I came across on the C-PTSD Foundation website:
Write a letter to yourself when you feel emotional pain. Remind yourself that you are worthy of compassion and love. Write as if you were writing to a loved one.
Comfort yourself with good self-care. Eat a healthy meal, take a walk, or a long bath.
Think about what you would say to a hurting friend, and direct those responses to yourself.
Look at your thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental way. Acknowledge them. Write them down in your journal, but do not judge them.
At the beginning of this article, I mentioned how my therapist had me practice a loving-kindness prayer for myself. I highly recommend taking a few minutes to pray something for yourself. If nothing comes to mind, use my prayer. Pick something you can repeat over and over silently during those few minutes. You can also repeat a phrase used in tapping at least once daily: I choose to love myself. Saying that phrase every time I started tapping fostered self-compassion and self-love.
Do you have experience with self-compassion, or are you new to the concept? Leave a comment below and let us know about your experiences with it.
Resources
Yoga For Emotional Trauma Meditations and Practices for Healing Pain and Suffering by Mary NurrieStearns and Rick NurrieStearns
This book is a must-read for trauma survivors. It discusses how trauma affects us and how we can heal.
The meditations are on Kristen Neff’s website. They will help you foster compassion for yourself.
If you have questions or need a word of encouragement, email me at thepossiblepath@gmail.com.
You can support me with a paid subscription here or a donation on my Ko-Fi page.
Help me expand The Possible Path by referring it to friends and family and sharing it on social media. I will send you a guide to healing from trauma if you refer at least three people.
So important! Thank you for sharing this!❤️