Sometimes you read a book that touches you so much that you re-read and re-read it. Awakening by John Main, a Catholic monk, is that kind of book to me. I first read it last year. It is a small book with only 97 pages but it packs a spiritual punch. I picked up the book last week and read the first chapter twice. As I contemplated what to write about this week for Possible Path, it occurred to me to write about this powerful book. For the next six weeks, I will write about each chapter and how it applies to childhood trauma survivors.
The first chapter is simply titled Conversion. At first glance, we might mistake the topic of the first chapter for salvation. However, while salvation is a one-time experience when we first turn to God, conversion is a process. The two are not the same thing, yet conversion starts with salvation.
The word conversion comes from two Latin words: conversio and conversatio. Main translates conversio as “an act of change or a group of acts of change which can be suggested by the outward signs of our lives.” He translates conversatio as “the continuous spirit of conversion which creates in us an awareness that turning towards God is a dynamic process, not something that we have accomplished once and for all.”
“The essence of conversion is that in turning to the Lord He changes us.” John Main
St. Benedict said conversion meant “to turn wholly towards,” while Main says it is “a complete turning towards which is the beginning of our experience of the kingdom of God.” Turning towards something means turning away from something else. We turn away from the world and our flesh and turn to the triune God. That requires changing our field of vision. We also must realize that conversion is a process. Our conversion won’t be complete until heaven.
Main quotes Matthew 18:3, “Unless you turn round and become like children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Williams James speaks of childlike innocence as “the healing of the wound of the divided self.” Pause for a moment and think about that one. As childhood trauma survivors, we became divided within. Turning to God means that we become united within.
“If we can turn to God and open ourselves to His power, then His power to transform and to transfigure us is absolutely limitless.” John Main
The conversion process for a childhood trauma survivor begins with salvation, as with anyone else. From there, we learn to trust God, and that is especially hard for us who learned that we couldn’t trust adults as children. As we walk with God and undergo the conversion process, we discover that we can trust God. We can turn our entire being over to the One who created us. We experience God’s love in deep and profound ways, and God’s love changes us.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
I will leave you with William Blake’s poem, The Poet’s Task and Prayer:
Trembling I sit day and night, my friends are astonished at me,
Yet they forgive my wanderings. I rest not from my great task!
To open the Eternal Worlds, to open the immortal Eyes
Of Man inwards into the Worlds of Thought, into Eternity
Ever expanding in the Bosom of God, the Human imagination.
O Savior pour unto me thy Spirit of meekness and love!
Annihilate the Selfhood in me: be thou all my life!
Guide thou my hand, which trembles exceedingly upon the rock of ages;
While I write…
Next week we will consider the second chapter of Main’s book titled, which is titled Leadership.
Resources
Awakening by John Main
The Essential Blake by William Blake
Thank you, dear Gina. This book sounds like a valuable tool in this healing journey. Love you <3
I can hardly wait to read it thank you for the recommendation