“The goal of DBT is to help people find the path to getting out of hell.” Marsha Linehan
I didn’t see my therapist this week because she had a funeral to attend. I found myself missing therapy. That is a first for me. I have not had good experiences in the past. However, dialectical behavioral therapy works well because it gives me tools for dealing with triggers. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, triggers are a common plague, but knowing I can open my toolbox and pick what will help me ride them out is a blessing.
Since I didn’t learn a new skill in therapy this week, I thought I would give you a rundown of what I have learned, starting with the concept of wise mind. There are three states of mind in DBT: wise mind, reason mind, and emotion mind. Wise mind is a balance between reason mind and emotion mind. The workbook I'm using as part of my therapy describes wise mind as “seeing the value of both reason and emotion; bringing left brain and right brain together; the middle path.”
When we are in reasonable mind, we operate by “facts, reason, logic, and pragmatics,” according to the workbook. Neither our values nor feelings are important. When we are in emotion mind, we operate in “moods, feelings, and urges to do or say things…facts reason, and logic are not important.”
I assumed when I am triggered, I only operate out of emotion mind. When I told my therapist last week about what led up to me binging on a delectable no-bake chocolate and peanut butter bars, she pointed out that I was operating in reason mind. I was concerned about having enough material for a Sunday school class I would teach. It knocked wise mind out because I was only operating in reasonable mind. When my therapist first explained about the three states of mind, I thought, “I like operating in reasonable mind.” I tend to be very pragmatic. I get caught up in finding solutions, so I sometimes reach for something sugary when triggered because it calmed me in the past. My reasonable mind sees it as a solution.
Practicing wise mind
In order for wise mind to surface when I am triggered, I have to practice it. The workbook lists several ways to practice wise mind. One of them is a breathing exercise. You focus on the breath, thinking, “wise” on the in-breath, and “mind” on the out-breath. Continue with this practice until you are in wise mind. This practice is strikingly similar to the meditation I would do every morning for a year and a half. I detail that practice here.
Another practice is to ask yourself if a thought or action is wise mind. My therapist taught me this practice a few weeks ago. I put it into practice the day after my therapy session. I thought about someone I have harbored anger against for their past behavior. I asked myself if unforgiveness is wise mind. The word “forgive” flashed across my mind like a neon sign. What I mean is that I saw the word visually in my mind. My anger dissipated, and I found myself forgiving that person.
Mindfulness: the essence of DBT
Mindfulness is the essence of DBT. Or perhaps calling it the backbone is a better metaphor. I think that is a big reason why DBT is helping me. For two years, I have practiced mindfulness meditation. I know how much it helps me in my recovery from trauma. It is the reason why I sought help in the form of antidepressants and why I wanted to try therapy again. Mindfulness meditation helped me better understand myself. I grasped that childhood sexual abuse harmed my brain, and it would take help to reverse the damage. You can learn more about neuroplasticity by reading my article here.
The workbook defines mindfulness as “intentionally living with awareness in the present moment.” When I practice focusing on my breath for 10 minutes, and observing my thoughts as I do so, I find that many of my thoughts are either future-focused in the form of my mental to-do list, or past-focused in regrets. The daily observation of my thoughts helps me during the rest of my day. It is easier to let go of anxious thoughts or negative thoughts about myself.
“Silence is the language of God. Listen.” Marsha Linehan
Recovery happens in stages. Each leg of the journey reveals new tools. If you feel stuck now, look into DBT where you can learn new tools that will move you to the next stage. Don’t believe the lie that you can’t get better. The creator of DBT, Marsha Linehan, was in a mental hospital for two years in her late teens/early 20s. She recovered, and so can you.
Resources
DBT Skills Training Manual by Marsha Linehan
Building a Life Worth Living by Marsha Linehan
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You sound like you're doing great keep up with the good work
So very proud of you, dear Gina. Your courage to share on your healing journey is helping so many people I am sure. God bless you abundantly. Love you <3