“Christianity is the overcoming of the split from God’s side once and for all.” Richard Rohr
There is a vulnerability inside of me now. It scares me. My motto deep inside has been that vulnerability is for suckers. The word vulnerable means, “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage.” Why would anyone want to be vulnerable?
The reason is simple: intimacy. The word intimate is defined as “of a very personal or private nature; marked and very close association, contact or familiarity.” If we want intimacy with others, God, and ourselves then we must be vulnerable. You can’t have one without the other. We need intimacy to thrive. We open ourselves up to risk by being vulnerable but we are rewarded with intimacy.
As a child sexual abuse survivor, I have lived behind walls. I have heard it said that when we wall others out we wall ourselves in. I have found it is all too true. By walling others out, I end up living in loneliness and fear. I wind up not just keeping others out but God as well. And I am done with living in that kind of state. It doesn’t profit me. And friends, it doesn’t profit you either.
We are created for relationships with others and most of all with God. Jesus prayed, “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” (John 17:3) While we like to boil eternal life down to the afterlife, it begins with a relationship with God. And we can’t have that relationship to the extent God desires unless we let go and shed our emotional walls.
Is it easy? No, it is not, especially at first. It gets easier the more we realize that God loves us and is for us. One way to facilitate intimacy with God is to practice something called centering prayer, or silent prayer, as I like to call it. Here are guidelines for centering prayer:
Choose a sacred word. I like to use the word peace. The sacred word represents your intention to consent to God’s presence.
Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Keep your back straight.
Introduce the sacred word and use it whenever you find your mind wandering.
Observe your thoughts but don’t get caught up in them. Think of them as ships that pass by.
At the end of the time, you might want to recite a prayer such as the Lord’s Prayer.
I recommend beginning by starting with six minutes and working up to 10.
Centering prayer helped me learn how to meditate and not freak out about my monkey mind. I learned that my mind is like a monkey swinging from one thought to the next. That is normal. However, I don’t always have to get caught up in my thoughts. That is where contemplative prayer and meditation come in.
Let me know if you try centering prayer.
Resources
The Naked Now by Richard Rohr
So proud of you for sharing your healing journey with others and the tools God is using in this journey. <3