Vulnerability is for suckers, I would tell myself. One of the meanings of vulnerability is “willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known; willingness to risk being emotionally hurt.” In other words, being vulnerable means risking revealing yourself.
By refusing to be vulnerable, I keep myself behind an emotional wall. When I wall others out, I wall myself in. If this Daniel fast has taught me anything, it is that the risk of vulnerability is worth it. I took small steps a few weeks ago by revealing my struggles with depression and anxiety to a group at church. They prayed for me and the discouragement that plagued me vanished. Through their prayers, I realized that I will recover from ALL of the effects of child sexual abuse, depression and anxiety included.
Where vulnerability starts
For me, the willingness to be vulnerable starts with being honest about my feelings and where I am at in my journal. As an avid journaler, I like to start my day by writing a page or two about how I feel. I check in with myself. I ask myself, “How am I feeling?” I then write down how I am feeling. The reason I do this is so that I am not tempted to numb my emotions. I force myself to acknowledge my emotions and feel them. After spending a lifetime numbing my emotions, this is a necessary exercise.
I can’t be vulnerable with other people if I don’t know myself. I can’t know myself if I have no clue what I am feeling and why I am feeling it. I can’t reveal who I am if I am living as my false self. We all have a false self that we constructed along the way for survival. Jesus said, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.” (Mark 8:35) In other words, let go of your false self, the self you constructed for survival and you will find who you are in Christ.
Choosing my real self
My false self is all I have known. We cling to what is familiar even if it is harmful to us. I make the choice every day to become who God created me to be. I choose to accept change. I use my tools to help me become my real self. The tools I have at hand are tapping (emotional freedom technique), meditation, prayer, Bible study, and journaling. When I wake up every morning, I take up my tools. My morning routine is an embrace of my real self.
Living in truth sets us free. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free,” Jesus proclaimed. (John 8:32) As we draw close to God we learn the truth about ourselves. God reveals areas that need healing and when we allow Him to heal those areas, we become who He created us to be.
Are you ready to become who God created you to be? Start by praying this simple prayer:
Lord, I come to you now and ask You to empower me to reject my false self and embrace who I really am. Show me who you created me to be and help me be that person.
Image by Mabel Amber, who will one day from Pixabay