Bad habits. We all have them, but some of us have bad habits that are harming are bodies or mental health or even both. One of my harmful habits is emotional eating.
It occurred to me last week that the reason I use coping mechanisms such as emotional eating is because I want to numb my emotions. I dissociated as a child enduring sexual abuse. It helped me survive. I couldn’t cope with the overwhelming fear and sadness. There is a word for what I do: dissociation.
What is dissociation? The American Psychiatric Association defines it as “a disconnection between a person’s thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of who he or she is.” Dissociation symptoms include the following, according to the University of Washington:
Spacing out
Daydreaming
Glazed look
Staring
Mind going blank
Mind wandering
Sense of the world not being real
Watching self from the outside
Detachment from self or identity
Out of body experience
Disconnected from surroundings
Something else about dissociation on the APA’s website caught my attention. They list dissociation disorders, including dissociative amnesia, which “involves not being able to recall information about oneself (not normal forgetting).” As a child, I blocked out the memories of my uncle sexually abusing me until I was 22 years old. I still have blocks of my childhood that I don’t remember. I clearly have dissociative amnesia, which is why I dissociate so much.
The antidote for dissociation
“Paying attention intentionally dissolves the lingering effects of trauma.” Mary NurrieStearns and Rick NurrieStearns
Mindfulness practice is what experts recommend for managing dissociation. Jon Kabat-Zinn the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) describes mindfulness as, “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally.” When I dissociate, I am not in the present moment. By cultivating awareness, I can stop dissociating. That is my theory. I am testing that theory out on myself and will keep you all updated on my progress.
Studies show that MBSR helps with trauma recovery:
Researchers studied the effects of MBSR on women survivors of interpersonal violence. What they found is that participants had significant decreases in PTSD symptoms, along with less depression and anxiety.
A review of studies found that MBSR for childhood trauma can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
A study with 27 adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse who participated in an MBSR program, found that depression was reduced by 65 percent after eight weeks, and was “largely sustained” until 24 weeks. Symptoms of avoidance/nubing “were most greatly reduced.”
I started a free MBSR course (the link is in the resources section at the bottom) yesterday. The first week of the course requires doing a body scan meditation. Kabat-Zinn says in his book, Full Catastrophe Living, that a body scan “involves lying on your back and moving your mind through the different regions of your body.” I found a three-minute body scan meditation on the UCLA Mindful app (the link is below). I plan to do the meditation every night before bed.
The first week of the course also includes a sitting meditation, which involves observing the breath for a period of time. That is something I practiced daily until I became ill with an upper respiratory virus the day after Thanksgiving. It is a practice I will begin again. I prefer to use the timer on the Insight Timer app (link below).
Deep breathing and yoga help manage dissociation
Deep breathing is another practice that experts recommend. “Breathing routines can help deescalate severe moments of dissociation that result in anxiety or stress,” according to PsychCentral. I can attest to that one. For nearly four years, I have practiced deep breathing whenever I am triggered. It truly works. After I practice deep breathing, I feel calmer and more at peace.
Deep breathing is proven scientifically to calm the nervous system. In one study, researchers looked at 38 adults between 18 and 28 years old. They were divided into a control group and an experimental group. The experimental group had 10 sessions of 90-minute anti-stress protocol, while the control group didn’t. Researchers found that deep breathing improves mood and stress while affecting the heart rate and cortisol levels.
In another study, researchers evaluated a pilot predeployment stress inoculation training (SIT) program for soldiers. Researchers found that SIT may prevent hyperarousal symptoms among mentally healthy soldiers.
Mental health experts highly recommend yoga to manage dissociation. It makes sense to me. As a sexual abuse survivor, I sometimes feel disconnected from my body, so doing yoga would help me reconnect with my body. I know that when I practiced yoga in the past, I felt great afterward. I am still sick with an upper respiratory infection, but I will take up yoga when I am well.
Some studies show that I am wise to do yoga as a trauma survivor. Thirty-one women with PTSD-related chronic childhood trauma participated in a 10-week trauma-sensitive yoga class. By the end of the study, researchers found that trauma-sensitive yoga helped regulate hyperarousal among the participants, increased their ability to experience emotions safely in the present moment, and promoted a sense of safety and comfort within their bodies.
Know your triggers
I have a hard time coping with trauma triggers, as do other survivors. “Triggers are sensory stimuli connected with a person’s trauma, and dissociation is an overload response,” according to the National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments. What this means is that when our brains associate something with our past trauma, we dissociate.
Recognizing triggers is key for managing dissociation. I have been jotting down in my journal what triggers me. It helps me realize when I am starting to dissociate and stop myself from gobbling down 10 cookies. The past week, I have grabbed my journal when the desire to binge on sweets occurs as it helps me to realize that I desire dissociation and not desserts. It also helps me not binge, which in turn stops me from dissociating.
Resources
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Course
Yoga For Emotional Trauma Meditations and Practices for Healing Pain and Suffering by Mary NurrieStearns and Rick NurrieStearns
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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Love you, thank you for sharing tools to help us on our healing journey. Praying for physical and emotional healing for us both. Bless you, beautiful girl. <3