This is the second article in a series on John Main’s book, Awakening.
Leadership is the title of the second chapter of John Main’s book but it is really about community. Merriam-Webster defines the word community as, “a unified body of individuals.” One of the meanings of the word unity is “ a condition of harmony.” So, a community is a group of individuals that binds together in harmony.
“Freedom to share life this way with one another can only be achieved by one who has transcended the self-protecting, anxious fears of the unrenewed ego.” John Main
We are hardwired for community
We are all hardwired to be in a community. We need each other. God put that need into our brains. Abraham Maslow, a psychologist responsible for the “hierarchy of needs” theory, put love and belonging directly after physiological needs such as food and water. Neuroscientist Dr. Matthew Liberman says in his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect that our need to connect with others is a more basic need than even food and shelter. “Being socially connected is our brain's lifelong passion,” says Lieberman.
“Human beings are wired to connect – and we have the most complex and interesting social behavior out of all animals,” said Michael Platt, Ph.D., a biological anthropologist from the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine. “This social behavior is a critical part of our adaptive toolkit. It allows us to come together and do things that we wouldn’t be able to do on our own.”
The spiritual quest for connection
Our great spiritual quest in this life is to connect with God and others. God created us to love and be loved. “The spiritual life is this quest to find yourself, to find God, to find your fellow human beings,” according to Main, “It is the greatest adventure there is.”
How am I doing with connection? Where can I improve so I can journey on in the spiritual quest? Those are the questions to ask ourselves. I will be honest here. It is easy to talk to people when I see them. I can talk with anyone, a trait I inherited from both sides of my family. However, I often struggle to stay in touch with people. A lifetime of depression, anxiety, and PTSD has left me worn out. For the first time in my life, I don’t wake up with anxiety. The sadness that pervaded my life is gone. But I haven’t learned yet how to operate without depression and anxiety. I am learning.
I reached out to a friend who feels lonely and she reached back. She gets me. She understands without me having to say much. Reaching out to others is a start, a new way for me to live. It is a way for me to get out of my comfort zones. We can't grow in a comfort zone. What can you do to foster a connection with someone? It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Think small. Take baby steps until you are stronger and more sure of yourself.
Perhaps like me, you lived your life without good boundaries and allowed toxic people into your life. Now you are learning how to set and keep boundaries. You are learning how to spot a toxic person and stay away from them. You might feel leary of connecting with new people, like me, because you dwell on past mistakes. Let the past go. I say that to myself and you.
We don’t have to agree about everything to connect with someone. We can respect someone’s opinion and not share it. Connection is not about living in an echo chamber where everyone around us shares the same opinions. It is about connecting on some kind of common ground. Maybe that common ground is just that you like being around someone and they like being around you.
“I can disagree with you and still love you. I can love you and still say No.” Sarah Mariann Martland
Resources
Awakening by John Main
We are Human, with the Capacity for Complexity and Multitudes
Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect by Matthew Dr. Lieberman
Image by Jackson David from Pixabay
I think that it is wonderful that we don't have to agree on everything and still have great friendships. We are better together with God as our guide. Love and appreciate you, dear Gina. <3
My friends all abandoned me when I got sick so community couldn't be any more important to me I am 😔 sad sometimes about it but my true friends say it's their loss