How Dissociation, Distress Tolerance, and Mindfulness Interconnect
Unlocking the Power of the Mind
Image by Renan Brun from Pixabay
Food became my comfort as a child. Even though my brain buried the memories of sexual abuse, fear, and sadness were constant companions. My mother and grandmothers would always offer me food when I was upset. Until well into my early 30s, I was skinny. Taking an antidepressant called Effexor for 10 years slowed down my metabolism. I’m not fat, but I have extra weight that I can easily disguise with the right clothes.
Trauma takes a toll on our minds and bodies. It can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), with a big emphasis on the word stress. Part of PTSD is hyperarousal (hypervigilance), which keeps us constantly alert. It can mess with our sleep and cause muscle tension. We become triggered in certain situations or by certain things. When we are triggered, it feels like a big crisis.
Emotional eating, which sometimes leads to binges, is one way I cope with triggers. While I would like to have my toned and taut body back, how I look is not the issue. It is not emotionally or physically healthy to practice emotional eating. Part of my recovery from trauma is swapping that coping mechanism for something healthy. I started dialectical behavioral therapy with that in mind.
Distress Tolerance Skills For a Crisis
When we are in a crisis, using our old coping mechanisms is easy. The Bay Area DBT and Couples Counseling Center defines a crisis as “a very stressful situation that can’t immediately be changed.”
I recently had a physician’s assistant give me the results of a chest x-ray taken last month when I had a respiratory infection. The x-ray indicated that I have an enlarged heart. She mentioned congestive heart failure and went over the symptoms of it. I have none except shortness of breath. I explained to her that I have asthma. She said I may have been misdiagnosed, and wouldn’t listen to me when I said that an asthma specialist diagnosed me. She referred me to a cardiologist.
Later that night, after seeing the PA, I began to panic. I thought about binging on cookies. I remembered STOP skills, which are distress tolerance skills used in a crisis. STOP skills, taught in dialectical behavioral therapy, are an acronym for:
Stop what you are doing. Freeze.
Take a step back.
Observe what is going on inside of you.
Proceed mindfully.
I learned STOP skills a week before seeing the PA for the chest x-ray results. I asked myself if binging is wise. I knew the answer, so I left the kitchen. That night, I gained a victory over binging. Two weeks later, I haven’t binged yet. Something clicked into place when my therapist taught me those skills. I felt led to start DBT last July because I knew mindfulness is its backbone, and mindful meditation has helped me cope with depression and anxiety.
But what exactly is mindfulness? Mindful Communications defines it as “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” For a trauma survivor, being more aware of the present moment helps the recovery process.
Studies do show that mindfulness helps with trauma recovery, including PTSD. What DBT does is simplify mindfulness and make it practical. Your therapist teaches you DBT skills that you can use as tools when you are in a crisis. You can also use some of those tools daily to rewire your brain and create emotional regulation.
Understanding Dissociation and the Power of Mindfulness
Dissociation is a problem for me. I have dissociative amnesia. When I feel very distressed, I dissociate, or I did. Using the skills I learned in DBT, combined with the mindfulness skills I am learning in a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course, I can sometimes stop myself from dissociating. It’s a steep learning curve, and I am not yet where I want to be, but I don’t dissociate as much as I did.
Dissociation is a coping mechanism, and for me, emotional eating links with it. I don’t remember not dissociating, as I was so very young when the sexual abuse by my uncle began. My mind is familiar with a hazy fog. However, with mindfulness, the fog lessens. Being more present while I meditate teaches me that I am okay when distressed. Because I have spent years meditating, I took quickly to STOP skills like my cat takes to wet food.
Waking up after spending a lifetime dissociating is like waking up from a coma. I feel disoriented at times, and that distresses me, so I reach for the mindfulness tools that DBT has given me. Teaching myself that I don’t need to dissociate is slow, painstaking work. It won’t happen overnight, no matter how much I long for instant healing. There is no fast food recovery, but there is the joy of the present moment.
Do you practice mindfulness meditation? What are your experiences with it?
Resources
Yoga For Emotional Trauma Meditations and Practices for Healing Pain and Suffering by Mary NurrieStearns and Rick NurrieStearns
The book details how yoga and meditation can help heal trauma.
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn
I highly recommend this book by the creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction if you want to explore mindfulness.
If you have questions or need a word of encouragement, email me at thepossiblepath@gmail.com.
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Thank you Gina for sharing your words of wisdom and the healing tools God has lead you to use. Love you and so proud of you. <3
I'm so sorry for your childhood but I'm also very proud of you for the way you're handling it