“We don’t let go into trust until we’ve exhausted our egos.” Rob Lehman
Every major religion has some tenet about letting go of our egos. In my faith tradition of Christianity, there are numerous verses in the Bible about humility. Apostle Paul (Saint Paul to Catholic and Orthodox Christians) says in Philippians 2:3 in the New Testament to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” What he means there is to practice selflessness instead of selfishness. Doing so means checking our egos.
The psychological concept of an ego started with Sigmund Freud’s personality theory, which identifies three parts of the psyche: the id, ego, and superego. They are not parts of our brain, as Simple Psychology points out, but systems or “hypothetical conceptualizations of important mental functions.” The ego in Freudian theory is the only conscious part of ourselves. The id is the impulsive part of ourselves, and the superego is the part of us that incorporates external values. The ego is the part of us that is aware of ourselves and how we interact with others.
Our egos tell us to live in the past and future. They propel us to compare ourselves to others. They keep us focused on our desires. Here are two examples of my ego at work:
I compare myself to other trauma survivors and think I am not really in recovery.
I focus on other's traumatic responses and nurse any hurt their words or behaviors cause.
Looking at those examples, it is clear that my ego gets in the way of intimacy with others. That comes as no surprise to any fellow survivor. We struggle with intimacy because someone we trusted as a child hurt us deeply, causing damage. We build walls for protection, and they keep us clutching onto our egos. Our recovery becomes hindered the more we refuse to let go.
How do we let go of our egos as trauma survivors? I find myself clinging to my ego. For the first time in my life, I am becoming who I really am. The word ego in Latin means I. When people refer to ego, they mean the “processes or reactions in which I, me, or mine figure prominently,” according to Psychology Today. Egocentrism is “excessive interest in oneself and concern for one's own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others.”
I do not want any egocentrism in myself. Jesus taught his followers to practice being a servant of others. On the night before his crucifixion, he knelt and washed the feet of all 12 disciples. Washing feet was a practice of servants in his culture. I once participated in a foot-washing ceremony as a teenager. I washed my friend’s feet, and she washed mine. It was a humbling experience. I want to take the lesson I learned back then and apply it now. Serving someone will loosen my ego’s grip.
Letting go of the ego is not easy. It is probably the hardest work we can do. However, we can do the hard work. We can practice serving others. We can train our minds to focus on the present through daily meditation practice. And we can share what works for us with fellow survivors. Together, we can avoid egocentrism. We are better together.
“We can only accept being accepted–as we are–which is so difficult for the ego to do. It always feels like dying, and it is.” Richard Rohr
How do you let go of your ego? Drop a comment below.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Sources
Freud’s Theory Of Personality: Id, Ego, And Superego by Saul Mcleod, Simple Psychology
What Is the Ego, and Why Is It So Involved in My Life? by Mark Leary, Psychology Today
Immortal Diamond: The Search for the True Self by Richard Rohr
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Letting go of our ego is an ongoing process, It is a choice and when we do let go it brings peace. I have found this to be true to me on my healing journey. Bless you, dear Gina. I love you and am so proud of you! <3
Letting it go imperative to our recovery