This week, I had two EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) sessions, and both focused on generational trauma passed down to me from the Armenian genocide. (You can read about it here.) The depth of the sadness, grief, and loss didn’t surprise me. The sense of despair did. It came over me in waves. I felt a strong sense of despair over the loss of family and land. I now better understand how my great-grandparents felt.
I never realized that I carried that despair. By the end of the first session, some of that despair was gone. During the second session, more generational pain came up. By the end of it, I felt calmer, although there was still much more pain to process. My EMDR therapist will be out for two months for health reasons. I will continue writing in my journal about what comes up and working on it with my talk therapist.
What I’m Reading
I’m still working on the stack of books I mentioned last week, except for one I finished. I added two more books to my stack. They are both books I read a bit each day. I categorize them as devotional reading. Both are about a daily journal writing practice, complete with journal prompts. I highly recommend them if you are an avid journal writer.
The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice For An Inspired Life by Suleika Jaouad
On Tuesday, I saw this book appear in my Kindle library. I flashed back to February when I pre-ordered it. I thanked my past self for buying the book. I immediately dove in and realized Jaouad designed it as a 100-day reading and journal writing project. The journal prompts are appropriate for where I am at in my trauma recovery journey.
Living the Artist’s Way: An Intuitive Path to Greater Creativity by Julia Cameron
Suleika Jaouad mentions Julia Cameron and quotes one of her books. I found this book on Kindle for $1.99. (Within a few days, the price increased.) The book has six chapters, and Cameron titled each for weeks one through six, with journal prompts at the end of each daily section. I find the prompts very inspiring and helpful.
On My Mind
I wrote about someone I know yelling at me during a disagreement in other posts. It was a month ago, and I still find the wounded places Karen (not her real name) triggered hurting. Karen brought up reminders of being screamed at as a child. There is a young part of me that still needs healing.
I keep reminding myself that recovery takes time. I am not on a timeline. I keep plugging away daily. That’s all I can do. My mantra is this: I give myself grace. I can’t rush the process. Patience is a gift I give myself.
Quote
“If you’re in conversation with the self, you can be in conversation with the world.” Suleika Jaouad
Prayer
Oh, Source of All Life, this week was tough, with so much generational pain arising in me. I ask for Your help and comfort to process all that came up. I also ask for guidance as I continue down my path of recovery. Help me think before I speak. May I shed dualistic, all-or-nothing thinking. May I embrace non-judgmentalism. Give me love and compassion for everyone I encounter.
Journaling Prompt
Write down a troubling story about your ancestors. What emotions come up? Where do they show up in your body?
