“Perfectionists can’t tolerate mistakes; they engage in black-and-white thinking and struggle to meet challenges required to achieve big goals. So, perfectionism is more serious than many of us think. It could well be a conditioned response to a childhood in which you never felt good enough.” Laura K. Connell
I used to be so hard on myself. I could be meaner to myself than anyone else ever could. I never felt like I was enough. My self-talk was brutal and rarely nice. I have changed how I relate to myself and view myself. My self-talk is more understanding and kind. Practicing tapping, also known as emotional freedom technique, changed me. Each time I practiced tapping, I would start by declaring that I chose to love myself.
At first, they were mere words, and I did not mean them. I eventually found that I did love myself. It did not happen overnight. It took a year of saying every day that I choose to love myself. It is the daily mental health practices that add up in recovery. We usually do not see immediate results, but in time we will.
Perfectionism started in my childhood. Sexual abuse left me with a strong sense of shame. I blamed myself for what my uncle did. Becoming a perfectionist is common for survivors of abuse. An article in Psychology Today says, “Abused children become the receptacle of all sorts of blame. In an attempt to control their situation, some children will try to attain perfection. If they can do everything right, then, perhaps, they won't be blamed.”
Overcoming perfectionism
If you struggle with perfectionism like me, the best place to start is by proclaiming, “I choose to love myself.” Keep saying it every day, and you will find that the words change. You will be able to say, “I love myself.” The small act of saying the words changes you. It causes you to rethink how you view yourself.
When you think negative thoughts about yourself, say, “But I choose to love myself.” Keep saying that every time you have a negative thought about yourself. Doing this will help you let go of negative self-talk and transform the way you think about yourself.
Laura K. Connell suggests other ways to overcome perfectionism:
Celebrate when you try and fail. Instead of beating yourself up, pat yourself on the back for trying.
Look back at what you did well. Celebrate not the achievements but that you took a chance.
Find supportive and loving people who remind you of your good qualities.
Let go of what people think and do what makes you feel fulfilled.
“Move away from the world’s definition of success and closer to your own.” Laura K. Connell
We are works in progress. It takes tremendous courage to enter the recovery process. Give yourself credit for being brave. You are one courageous person for staying on the healing path. You are stronger than you think. Know that positive self-talk will only make you braver and stronger.
Resources
It’s Not Your Fault by Laura K. Connell
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
f you have questions for me or need a word of encouragement, email me at thepossiblepath@gmail.com.
Help me expand The Possible Path by referring it to friends and family and sharing it on social media. I will send you a gift if you refer at least three people.
You can support me on my Ko-Fi page with a donation.
Your first line (your opening line) says it all
♥ sal